I know he cares for me though he only shows it through his actions. I was his little girl whom he would bring to Khatib MRT every night just because I couldn’t sleep… when he should be sleeping instead and replenishing his energy for tomorrow’s work.

I was his hope.

Only recently I discovered his sacrifices for me, the extra extra lengths he went for me without thinking about himself, just so that I could achieve my dreams.

But, I am afraid that I have let him down now. I have broken his heart. I came to this drastic decision because I don’t want him to do what he does now. I know what he is doing now is exhausting enough, and I want him to stop.

Let me just work for now. I am probably not ready to continue studying. Let me work, give BOTH my parents some share of my salary, just as long he doesn’t have to hold on to the other job anymore, just so that I could get that degree. I will continue studying, when the time is right, and when the time comes, I will pay for it. The whole amount.

I know my decision has disappointed him. But he didn’t show it when I broke the news to him. In fact, he let me go ahead with my decision and he seemed supportive of it. Then, my mum said that he was so upset that he couldn’t go for Terawih prayers that night. He couldn’t understand why I didn’t want to continue. He couldn’t understand why I couldn’t do it when a mother of three children could.

Enough. We have cried enough for the past three days. And though I keep telling myself that, I also can’t stop thinking that I am such a big disappointment, and probably an ungrateful child. =( Then the waterworks will start again, something which I should try to control especially during the month of Ramadhan…

We will all move on, eventually.

Goodbye, SIM. Goodbye, UOL.


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