Social Life after Marriage

If you are single and have always been a social butterfly all your life, be prepared. Because after you get married, you will suddenly find yourself hanging out with lesser and lesser people….. and one day you just hang out with one only person: YOUR SPOUSE. So if you don’t want this to happen, stay single.

Lol. Okay, that was cruel. I was just kidding!

My purpose of this entry is to remind myself and also others who find themselves struggling in the same situation. I enjoy lepak-ing (translate: hanging out) with my girlfriends anywhere, laughing so loud, talking about anything and everything and forgetting about the time until someone gasped and exclaimed “EHHHH! DAH PUKUL 10.30PM… AKU KENA BALIK SKARANG AH!”.

Then one by one got married. Never mind that everyone got married, I mean there will surely be a phase when everyone gets married, then the next phase would be everyone having kids and followed by the retirement phase. Imagine everyone in our own rocking chair and carrying our own tongkat then. Lol.

Personally, I gradually found myself immersed with family stuffs, married-people stuffs, work stuffs that sometimes having to forgo gatherings with my friends. The only person I lepak with these days is either my husband, family or my nephew. Until one late night came when my husband said he wanted to lepak with his friends.

I cringed. I felt so unwanted, so neglected. I wanted to reply “Fine leave me alone, I will sleep alone, live my life alone like I don’t have a husband.” Apparently I forgot that my husband also has so many friends who loves lepak-ing as much as I do that sometimes I’d get an update message that he just left the mosque (for Subuh prayers) and was heading back home. This was during our pre-wedded days.

I feel we all have the right to remain sociable, hanging out with our own friends and JUST our own friends (no spouses allowed!). But as what Islam teaches us, EVERYTHING IN MODERATION. So when hanging out with our friends, be mindful that we now have a spouse waiting at home looking at their watches every 5 minutes wondering when we’d be home….followed by a phone call that sounds like “OI (hah kan dah oi, takde sayang sayang lagi) TAK TAHU NAK BALIK KE!”

So how can we “tone down” our *ehem* highly social lifestyle to suit our very married status?

  1. First, we need be understanding towards each other. What if you were in the other’s shoes and you are not allowed to meet your friends? Suka? Suka? TAK SUKA KAN!
  2. Second, be transparent who you are going out with and where. Even if your spouse already know your friends, just say their names. Just so he/she knows. Someone may text you saying “EH AKU NAMPAK LAKI/BINI KAU DEKAT TEMPAT SO AND SO DENGAN ORANG SO AND SO!” It would be comforting if the information is as accurate as what you have told your spouse beforehand.
  3. Third, set some negotiable conditions. For example: Be home by ____pm. Don’t spend above $50. Don’t eat too much (because maybe after that going out with spouse for a good meal ke).
  4. Forth, update from time to time. “Time to time” here does not mean every 5 minutes. AIN’T NOBODY GOT TIME FO’ DAT! Please be reasonable. If you are required to update, please ensure to update when you can (seated down).
  5. Fifth, take the first step. If you have not heard from your close friend for weeks, contact him/her. Arrange for a lepak session. We’ll feel appreciated, and loved, and remembered. We promise.
  6. Sixth, no excuses! Aging may deplete some of our energy and slow us down… but in Daim Im’s words “WE GOT THIS SUPER LOVE, NOTHING CAN BRING US DOWN. DOWN. DOWN.” So if you’ve still got some super mad love for your friends, even someone’s crib can be the perfect hang-out place.
  7. Last but not least, maintain your trust. If your spouse says, “My friends and I nak pergi tengok wayang kat tempat ni, pukul ni, dengan kawan I yang ni.” Please don’t go and buy one ticket for yourself at the same theatre for the same showtime and movie. It shows that you don’t trust your spouse enough to go out with their friend(s). And also, it’s not cool yo’.

Overall it is pretty much a case of give and take. Once your spouse has allowed you to meet you friends, please respect it and don’t abuse it. Nanti dia lock kau dalam toilet baru padan muka. LOL. (I wanted to say dungeon, but what is dungeon in Malay ah?)

So I hope this helps. For those social butterflies getting married, at least you can be mentally prepared. For us married ones, don’t fret, our social life did not die after we got married, our friends are always waiting to hang out with us – WE ARE NOT ALONE.

On a lighter note, I stumbled upon this during my random internet browsing. I found it too funny, somehow reminding me of the things I’d check with the husband before he goes out to meet his friends.

 

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