I thought I’ll just do a quick post because it’s nagging in my mind, and I was feeling a little down. And I know if I just kept it in, tomorrow I may just be grumpy.
Warning: Below might be a little too personal, but if you don’t mind, you are welcome to read on.
So my period being irregular since the beginning of time, this time it has totally skipped a month. After many negative pregnancy tests later, I called the gynae to make an appointment with her, this Wednesday.
I have read about people who got pregnant but due to some hormone-related reasons, pregnant tests will never show a positive sign despite the fact showing otherwise.
Maybe I was naive, vulnerable… or super hopeful. I kept stumbling into pregnancy and baby-related articles, and I took it as signs I might be.
So I told D about the appointment I had made, and he asked if I wanted to reconsider and go to the polyclinic instead. Polyclinic was out of the question because that would mean I had to take at least half-day leave. BUT, polyclinic is undeniably cheaper than a specialist, right?
And today I decided that tomorrow morning (Saturday) that I’ll be among one of the patients queuing up at 7.30am outside of Sengkang Polyclinic.
And it was also this afternoon that my red riding hood came to surprise me. My first thought was, FINALLY. Followed by, so I am not pregnant, so I don’t have to wake up so early tomorrow, and I can cancel my gynae’s appointment.
Then, it was as if salt rubbing onto the wound, I stumbled upon an article about a newborn baby with umbilical cord intact, found dead in a sewer in Malaysia. Why is this world so cruel? If only the culprit knew how some married couple long for a child. God knows how heart-broken and angry I was feeling, but I managed to remind myself that Allah is also the All-Knower.
But perhaps you hate a thing and it is good for you; and perhaps you love a thing and it is bad for you. And Allah Knows, while you know not. – Surah Al-Baqarah (2:216)
If you are reading this, I thank you for your time. I will be okay when I wake up tomorrow morning. Better things await.